A few years ago, a new CEO, Robert, joined my company. At the time, we had a two-day work-from-home policy. This was pre-Covid, and a lot of us in engineering saw this as a unique benefit of working for this company. However, one of Robert’s first changes was mandating a move from two work-from-home days to one.

I thought the change was unnecessary and disruptive. I thought it would hurt retention. My team was upset and I thought I needed to defend them.

I spent the weekend drafting a passionate presentation. I did my best to find data backing my position about the productivity benefits of remote work. I spelled out the company culture and how this change was counter to who we were (in retrospect, I cringe at how condescending this sounds!). And I passionately presented this in a meeting on Monday with the new CEO and his senior leaders. I should note, this was our first time being introduced. Needless to say, it did not go well.

Lessons learned the hard way

When a new mandate comes down—especially one you don’t like—you face a choice.

• You can push back and fight it.
• You can agree on the surface but quietly resist.
• Or you can work to understand the decision, find your place in it, and help your team adapt.

Pushing back often costs you more than it actually changes the outcome. And reluctant compliance without real commitment leaves you ineffective and leaves valid concerns unaddressed.

But here’s the part many leaders miss: You don’t have to agree with a decision to align with it.

Alignment is a Skill

Most people think alignment means agreement or endorsement, like it’s a yes/no question. You’re either aligned or you’re not.

But for engineering leaders, alignment is much more nuanced—and achieving alignment is a skill. It’s not just whether you agree with the decision. It’s about how you process it, how you help your team navigate it, and how you engage with the organization moving forward.

What I should have done

Back to that board room with Robert the CEO. I saw myself as a vocal advocate for my team. But instead of helping them align, I fanned the flames of frustration. And I spent a good amount of social capital I had not yet earned in the process. Ultimately, the mandate went through unchanged. My team remained frustrated, and my influence was diminished. Perhaps they felt even more disempowered because we staged a strong pushback to no meaningful effect. Over time, this could lead to silent disaffection and result in the very retention issues I thought I was trying to prevent!

Reflecting back, I realized I had ignored two key factors: the CEO’s motivation and my ability to influence his decision.

His mandate was to build a profitable company from one that had recently failed to complete an exit. He found it difficult to sell the idea of us as a vibrant and responsive organization to investors when 40% of the time he brought them to the office, it was a ghost town.

Most importantly, I should have recognized that this was a top-down directive from the CEO. The likelihood of changing his decision was near zero. The cost of pushing against this was high, and it’s only because of his maturity that I didn’t damage my career. I also think I had a good boss who ran cover for me behind the scenes.

In retrospect, I should have focused on two things:

1. Helping my team process the change. I could have created space for them to vent, raised some specific concerns with leadership about transition timing and commuting challenges, and worked to make the shift as smooth as possible.

2. Deciding if I personally was still aligned. After reflection, I still believed in the company’s overall mission and leadership, even if I didn’t like this particular decision. I chose to stay and commit. I should have done this before speaking up.

Alignment isn’t compliance

Too often, people confuse alignment with agreement or blind compliance. But alignment isn’t a binary choice — it’s a leadership skill that directly affects team effectiveness. This spectrum maps how different levels of resistance, compliance, and alignment impact a team’s ability to execute and thrive. The goal isn’t blind agreement, but helping your team reach active alignment — where understanding, engagement, and execution are at their highest.

Real alignment happens when:

• You understand the decision and the “why” behind it.
• You’ve had space to voice concerns and feel heard.
• You’ve made a conscious choice to support and execute the decision.
• You communicate that support sincerely to your team.

It’s entirely possible to be aligned even if you would have made a different call. Sometimes this is called “disagree and commit.” The key is to be authentically and actively behind the path forward once the decision is made.

How to build alignment skills

Like most leadership skills, alignment gets better with practice. A few techniques that have helped me:

1. Pick your battles
   Not every hill is worth dying on. Save your political capital for the issues where your team or the business will truly benefit from your advocacy.

2. Regularly self-assess
   Alignment isn’t forever. Periodically check in if the overall good in your job outweighs the bad. One of my leaders used to call this “checking in on your deal with the company.” No job is perfect and not every job is for everyone. Evaluating your “deal” as a deliberate act is empowering and clarifying.

3. Stay authentic
   Passive-aggressive alignment fools no one. If you’re going to support a decision, do it sincerely. If this is a truly a deal-breaker for you, take time to reflect on why and map your next steps.

Helping your team align

Even after you’ve personally reached alignment with a decision, your team may still be struggling. Part of your job is to help them navigate the same process.

Be upfront about what’s realistically possible. Some decisions may have limited room for adjustment, while others may still be open to influence. Let your team know what the feedback channels look like, what you’re doing to advocate for their concerns, and where the boundaries are.

• Acknowledge their concerns. Don’t dismiss frustrations. Validate what’s hard about the change.
• Explain the “why.” Share the broader context you’ve learned. Often frustration comes from gaps in understanding.
• Model your own alignment. Teams take cues from how you show up. Consistency between your words and actions helps them feel safe following your lead.
• Spot real blockers. Sometimes concerns reveal legitimate risks or unintended consequences. Escalate those thoughtfully, but avoid presenting every concern as a reason to reverse the decision.

Alignment doesn’t mean your team needs to love every decision — but they should feel heard, respected, and confident that you have their best interests in mind as you move forward together.

Alignment is contagious

Leaders set the tone. Your team watches how you process tough decisions. If you stay thoughtful, honest, and sincere, your team learns to do the same.

Alignment isn’t about pretending. It’s about making active, intentional choices — for yourself and your team.

And like any skill, it can be learned.

Photo by Mike Erskine on Unsplash